8-Bit Theater
E3 ‘05: Dream Analysis
Dream Analysis
Guest comic by
Date Published Sunday, May 22, 2005
Previous Comic E3 ‘05: White Magic for Dummies
Next Comic E3 ‘05: Monster Manual
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White Mage has really disturbing dreams...

Cast AppearingEdit


  • Psychology Room
  • White Mage's dream


White MageI just...Doctor, I don't know what to do anymore!
They're driving me to distraction!
Black Mage(disguised as a psychologist) Mmhmm...I see...
White MageIt's like having a bunch of morally corrupt, murderous idiot-children!
Cuts to White Mage, overwhelmed on raising the Light Warriors, who are children...
Black Mage(being cradled) Woohoo! Check out those bazoongas! I mean, damn, woman!
ThiefShe's mine. I saw her first, and I'm charging all of you filthy non-elves a 10000% interest rate for partaking of her motherhood.

And I'm charging you double for the honor of being my mother.
Fighter(swinging scissors around) BM was right! Running with scissors is fun!
Red Mage(in drag) I feel pretty.
Black Mage(scribbling a tic-tac-toe puzzle on his clipboard) Und zis pressure? How does it make you feel?
Vat kinds of dreams haff you been haffing lately, hmm?
White MageWell, I did have this one dream the other night...
We cut to White Mage's dream
Black MageHey baby, lookin' good!
Black MageAnd by "good", I mean "your boobs".
White Mage(brandishing a chainsaw) Rrraaaaauuuuugggghhh!!!
Black MageEep.
Fighter(carrying scissors) Hey, White Mage! Hey, White Mage! Hey, White Mage! Hey, White Mage! Hey, White Mage!

Hey, White Mage! Guess what?
FighterGuess, what's fun, White Mage?
White Mage massacres him with her chainsaw. She goes after Thief, her robes blood-soaked.
ThiefI'm calling my lawyers!
ThiefThis is a violation of your contraaaaaact!
White Mage(laughing manically)
Red MageNooooo! I'm too brilliant to die!
White Mage stands over the dead bodies, Sarda included, laughing triumphantly under the full moon.
White Mage...And afterward, I felt the most profound sense of peace and well-being, as if all was right with the world.
White MageDoes this make me a bad person?
Black MageAre you sure zat you do not haff any repressed sexual anxieties?
Black Mage takes off his disguise and winks at her...White Mage chases after him with her chainsaw.

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