8-Bit Theater
Episode 100
"...and that Dragons eat your smelly hat."
White Mage Makes It All Better
Date Published Wednesday, December 12th, 2001
Previous Comic Episode 099: A Look into the Private Thoughts of Fighter
Next Comic Episode 101: They Sure Don't Act Like Light Warriors
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White Mage teaches some important lessons to everyone, except Black Mage

Cast AppearingEdit



White Mage goes to Red Mage.
White MageRed Mage, why don't you just use your own healing magic next time? I won't always be around to save you.
Red MageBut I want to stay at my peak versatility level!
White MageThink of it like this: which is more versatile? A dead mage or a living mage minus one white spell?
Red MageHmm...

I see. You've opened my eyes, White Mage. Thank you.

White Mage goes to Thief, whose money bag is stuck in a bush.
White MageWhat's the matter, Thief?
ThiefMy bag full of gold is stuck in this bush. I can't get it loose.
White MageLet go of your worldly possessions. They will only slow you down.
ThiefThat's the craziest thing I ever heard!

And mind you, I've talked to Fighter before, but that's still crazier!

White MageThief...
ThiefI feel... strangely unburdened. Probably because gold is very heavy and I had quite a lot of it. Y'know, from all the stealing. It's what I do, me being a thief, and all.
White MageI'm just happy to have helped you see that greed is not the path to peace.
ThiefOh yeah. Definitely.
(thinking) I wonder if I could cut off the branch it's stuck on...
White Mage goes to Fighter, who is holding a scroll.
White MageWhat'cha got there, Fighter?
FighterIt's the working design for my new brilliant invention: sword-chucks. But I've run into a little problem...
White Mage reads the scroll.
White MageHm, I think I understand the over all principle of your design. Perhaps a longer length of chain would make it possible for one to actually wield the weapon without hacking off one's own limbs.
White Mage goes to Black Belt.
White MageNo one thinks you're gay. And even if you were, it wouldn't matter..
Black BeltYou're right, I have no reason to be so paranoid about what others may or may not think. Besides, love is love. We should let it flourish wherever we can find it.
White Mage goes to Black Mage.
Black MageYo.
White MageYou are simply a horrible little monster and I pray for your quick and merciful death.
Black MageFlirt!
Thief manages to get the money bag.
ThiefTo the thief go the spoils!

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